I’M OVER THE MACCABEES, A Hanukkah Prayer

Baruch Atah Adonai, Brucha At Shechina, Ruach HaOlam: I’m over the Maccabees. I’m done with fanatics. I’m done with extremists who demand purity. I’m done with fundamentalists who shut women up. I’m done with religions that kill. I’m over the Seleucids. I’m done with invaders. I’m done with outsiders telling anyone how to live in […]

Adam and Eve Invent Hanukah

.וַיֹּאמֶר אֱלֹהִים יְהִי אוֹר וַיְהִי אוֹרWe can’t avoid it. The days are shorter, The nights are longer, And it’s cold: The sun is disappearing! Damn. Isn’t it enough to get kicked out of Eden? Isn’t it enough that We work in the dirt for a living, And give birth to screaming moist creatures with giant heads, […]

Miketz, a drash

Pharaoh dreams of seven handsome fat cows being eaten by seven ugly, skinny cows.  Pharaoh dreams of seven solid healthy ears of wheat on a single stalk, being followed by seven thin sickly ears on a stalk scorched by the east wind.  He is a hereditary monarch, and therefore not very bright, so he calls […]

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