I Am In Exile: A Prayer for Kol Nidre

I am in exile
From the source
Of my true self.
I look and I can’t find me.
I want to go back
I don’t know how to get there.
They tell me:
Teshuva is the answer!
Return to friends, community, One-ness!
But I am lost,
I don’t know the path.
I am in exile
From my Partner
In holy conversation.
I talk but I am not heard.
I want to speak
But I don’t know what to say.
They tell me:
Tefillah is the answer!
Pray with friends, community, One-ness!
But I am lost,
I don’t know the ritual.
I am in exile
From the unfair pain 
Suffered by so many others.
I can only feel my own needs.
I want to help
But I don’t know what to do.
They tell me:
Tzedukah is the answer!
Serve your friends, community, One-ness!
But I am lost,
I don’t know the next step.
Every Yom Kippur I am told:
Teshuvah, Tefilah & Tzedukah 
Restore us to our place.
Teshuvah, when we return to our true selves;
Tefillah, when we stop time in holy conversation;
Tzedukah, when we transcend self.
I hope that that is true.
Blessed One-ness, I am looking for guidance.
Where do I walk?
What do I say?
What do I do?
I am not sure I believe the answers.

Should I trust the ones who counsel me?
Shema, they say,
Listen:
You are forgiven,
You are loved.

Blessed Holy Wholeness, 
suggesting a home.
I hope that I am forgiven,

I hope that I am loved.
Amen.

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